On June 22, 2000, my son turned thirteen. This birthday was not too different from other birthdays, except that he was bored with his annual beach party and opted instead for a party at home. We had thought about a rite of passage, something to honor his transition into manhood, but aside from a canoe trip in the Canadian wilderness, we couldn’t come up with anything that felt significant. And, too, in many ways he still seemed so much like a kid.

But I saw lights on the horizon, little twinklings, and I knew I had to pay attention to them. A few months before, at a campout, as we were sitting around with some friends and their teenage daughters, I was surprised when my son declined to go swimming. He stayed glued to his seat as the others ran off to play—unusual behavior for a guy who loves the water. At some point I realized that any movement might have given away the big hard-on sitting in his lap. Around this time also porn sites started mysteriously appearing on my computer. It soon became clear that the time had arrived for one of the things I had put on my agenda when my son turned twelve: the “Sex Talk.” I knew that if I didn’t cover it, the culture would.

That discussion, originally planned for a one-hour session, soon stretched into a six-month dialogue. During the process I realized I needed to explore and reveal my own discomfort about sex, how awkward it was for me as a teenager, all of the angst and anticipation I experienced, and how I stumbled through my sexual education. It was painful, and it was freeing.

Just as we were finishing up and I was breathing a sigh of relief, I realized that the river we had journeyed down was moving quickly into a big ocean, and there was no turning back.

I searched again for books to give my son as a roadmap for exploring his sexuality, but few existed. There were beginner’s books, like what we had used in our Sex Talk. And there were advanced books, which were meant for adults and focused on techniques. But there was nothing in between. I wanted a book that would not be shy about the details of sexuality—everything from oral sex to making love—while at the same time being sensitive to the issues involved in opening up with another person on this level.

This book, then, was written as a gift for my son and for other boys who will be discovering their sexuality in the coming years. It is a gentle tap on the shoulder and a whisper in your ear to say, “This is all possible.” You can open up your heart, you can find another person to share love with, and you can experience incredible intimacy and ecstasy. And it’s worth it.